The sound is deafening! What in the world is that mechanical noise?!
“Where am I, why does my head hurt SO bad?!” It’s amazing I was concious…it’s hard to explain how without mention of something beyond merely the physical.
On May seventeenth of twenty nineteen I woke up in my car to the sound of a lawnmower outside. The night before I had put a loaded twelvegauge shotgun with buckshot inside, to the roof of my mouth (to go through my hard-pallet to hit my brainstem causing instant death) and pulled the trigger.
There was a cross outside of the church: I pulled beside it, fell to my knees, prayed “please forgive me, I can’t take any more.” I loaded the shotgun, put the seat all the way back in my car and put the barrel in my mouth…
The people doing lawn maintenance at the church where I had parked my car to kill myself were beyond terrified by my looks: what had been my face was now a massive hole…no nose, no jaw, no teeth: just blood, lots of blood!
I tried to tell them I needed help but the words would not come out! I grabbed a peace of paper and wrote “I’ve shot myself, please get help.” What followed were months of hospital stays and my new life having survived a serious suicide attempt.