I am born-again (John 3:3), not by works, not by decisions, not by religion, not by ritual, not by good works, or anything else of myself, I have been born anew in Christ Jesus: forever His by unmerited grace and mercy in simple faith, trust in His promises. Wow, our Lord is truly incredible! I’ve gone from accepting Christ as Lord and Savior more times than I can count, to trusting in His promises and care and coming before Him in repentance, in faith any time I think I’ve dishonored Him.
I have some questions. I’m a new believer, very young in the faith. I little background will help to explain.
I attended a Lutheran church in my 20’s, become baptized and believed from then on I was a Christian, saved by grace through faith in Christ. My life was an absolute mess: entrenched in sexual immorality, drunkenness, greed and pride. Nonetheless I believed I was saved because I was baptized. I did not repent or consider Jesus as Lord in any way.
I was involved in a serious motorcycle accident in 2014 which nearly cost me my life. I took for granted God’s mercy shown, and continued to live an absolutely horrific life. I even called myself an agnostic, and an atheist, and partook in pagan rituals. I continued in chaos and self-destruction for years and years.
This continued on for a long time, leading eventually to a suicide attempt involving a twelvegauge shotgun. I pulled up to a church parking lot, fell to my knees in front of a cross outside and prayed, “I’m sorry, I can’t take this anymore, please forgive me and take me home.” I made the sign of the cross on my chest, loaded the shotgun with buckshot, put it to the roof of my mouth (to hit my brain stem) and pulled the trigger. I woke up to the sound of the lawn maintenance crew at the church mowing the lawn. I was shot point blank in the head with buckshot. I am messed up from it yes, but I’m alive! I live because only our Lord “has the powers of death and hades” (Revelation 1:18). The Only True God spared my life by His power, grace and for His purpose.
With a lot of time in the hospital I began to pray a lot and read the Bible. I saw how utterly miserable I was/am and absolutely powerless to offer anything to God for mercy. I realized in studying that indeed yes, salvation is by nothing but grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone. We are called to repent and trust Jesus: and i did. I Underwent an incredible change. I miraculously was freed from my addiction to sex, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. I cannot take credit for these changes. At first I would try and make “deals” with God, ” after I get my new bank card I’ll quit smoking.” I remember praying “Lord, You tell us to repent and believe God good news, I can’t stop, if smoking dishonors You please take it away.” The next day the addiction left. All this to show me the Lord saying, “”Evan, I don’t need you to do anything, you do not understand.” I’ve been tempted, and given in a few times sadly, but am no longer a slave to it.
The evil one is merciless in his attacks. I’m under almost constant weight of guilt, fear, and doubt. At first it was doubting God’s utter goodness and absolute sovereignty. When I rejected those lies based upon Scripture, the doubts switched to the “trustworthiness ” of my conversion, of my faith. I’ve come to the conclusion that most definitely, yes, I deserve absolute wrath, nothing but, yet in the Lord Jesus Christ alone I have been freed from the Powers of sin, death, the devil and hell, spared the just wrath of the Father because of Christ’s substatutionary-atonement, and am indeed a child of the Only Living God.
Friends, come to the Savior please! He loves you like no other, wants nothing but what is best for you and offers only life. He and He alone is love, peace, purpose and existence. I know the world promises all that and more, but know, it lies. There is grace, there is hope, there is forgiveness in no other than the Lord Jesus Christ! His yoke is so easy, His burden so lite: come to Him who created You, who bled for you, come home! Repent and trust the Lord: He makes all things new! And yes, I know “I don’t know how wicked you’ve been, how hard it is.” He is able to do all things my friend! Take it from me, a suicide survivor covered with scars, bearing the Mark’s of redemption by His grace: COME! No one is beyond redemption, NO ONE!
“What a long strange trip it’s been, indeed”! And it brought me to the foot of the cross, to the Only One who Grant’s life, and raises the dead like me.
Glorious Father, all glory, honor and praise to You Oh God! Thank You so so much for Your mercy in the Blessed Savior the Lord Jesus Christ. In Him and Him alone our hope is found! We are indeed unworthy, we need not kid ourselves. You know us as we are, and embrace us in Christ as Your blessed sons and daughters covered with his righteousness not our own. We ask Father that we may walk by childlike faith in the Lord Jesus, trusting not in ourselves in any way. Our souls leak Oh Lord, plug the holes, keep our eyes on You. When the enemy comes to accuse let us run with boldness to Your thrown of grace. For indeed we are not our own, we have been bought with an incredible price. Please work mightily to open eyes, to bring to life from the dead as You have with me. Guide us, lead us, protect us and change us. We praise and worship, trust and adore, in Christ’s holy name. Amen.
Come to me, all you who are “weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
“All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away” (John 6:37).
“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).
“Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent” (John 17:3).
“God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there” (C.S. Lewis).